I Had Wonderful Sex With My Lover – But Now He Just Wants To Be Friends

… and prefers sleeping with my pal

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD wonderful sex with my lover – then a week later he told me it was over as he preferred sleeping with my friend.

We had been seeing each other for two years. He’s 32 and I’m 36. My husband was totally fine about me having a lover.

The sex with my lover was amazing.
He’s 39 and he knew I needed to get more body-confidence before we went swinging, which has been on his wish-list.

So, with his blessing, I looked for a man who was keen to have sex and could fit in with my life as a mum of three young sons. I found him online. The sex was amazing, we got to be friends and became close.

He then asked me to leave my husband as he wanted to be in a full-time relationship with me. I refused and instead introduced him to a close friend of mine who’s 29 and divorced. She thought he was fit but he told me she wasn’t his type.

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However, they’re both into keeping fit and met to go running. A week later my lover surprised me by saying he wanted us to stop having sex together but still to remain friends.

I knew I would miss the great sex and I was glad when he dropped round to see me the next time my husband was working away.

The kids were upstairs but they always sleep well and so we had sex in the lounge. He asked me not to tell my friend that we were still having sex. I told him that I couldn’t lie to a friend and he admitted that he is now “seeing” her and that she is “brilliant” in bed.

They seemed to expect we’d all stay friends, but I told them they’d hurt me so I didn’t want to be friends with them.

Do I tell her that my lover told me she wasn’t his type or that he was having sex with me the same week they got it on?

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DEIDRE SAYS: Presumably you introduced your friend to your lover with the idea of being a matchmaker and getting the pressure off you.

It seems like your plan worked out well and yet you are feeling used. My guess is your reasons relate to your marriage and, most likely, to long before that. I suspect your husband’s desire to go swinging and wanting you to take a lover will have damaged your already low self-esteem.

I had wonderful sex with my lover – but now he just wants to be friends

Credits: Deidre Sanders